dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
