He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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