If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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