You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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