i may or may not be watching the land before time
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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