i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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