I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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