your parents love me but you hate me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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