I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
