we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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