as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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