just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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