i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
