where am i from again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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