whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
