this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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