i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
