When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
