Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
