she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
