I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
