who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
