i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
