So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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