He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
