when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
