It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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