I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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