carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
