chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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