Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
