There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
