I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
