nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
