I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Two words: nipple clamps
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