stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
