you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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