shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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