Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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