My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
