I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
a search helicopter?!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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