Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
