Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
