1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
