my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
