I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
