I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
