dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
