There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
