Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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