I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
