Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
