loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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