Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
not ubering you a puppy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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