New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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