they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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