textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
